I have learned many lessons in my Forty three years of life.. Most of them over the past few years... I have learned that My Pride has not permitted me to fully forgive someone. I was right, she was wrong.... she was right, I was wrong.. I'm sure you have heard many a story like that... When I think about the hurtful words said to me out of anger and confusion... I start to make myself angry all over again... I know that she and I have our own memories and truths... and I think no matter how many times we drive our versions into the ground neither one of us is going to budge.... I know that the words and memories I said to her were not words of kindness and love...they were meant to make her feel as bad as she made me feel... an eye for an eye. a thought for a thought.. a stab for a stab... she felt that she was the original victim and I thought I was...so around and around we go.
What is truly sad to me...is that she was my best friend for the past twenty years... we have known each other forever but became close after I got married. She and I have been to hell and back.. We had always been each others support system..and always a friendly voice at the other end of the phone...and with a few words of anger.. it's all gone...Never to be found again.. Once that kind of trust is broken there are too many scars left behind to go back to the way it was... Will we have a real relationship again? I don't know... Do I want a real relationship again..I don't know... My heart says yes....but my mind and my pride say I just don't know....I'm hurting... A very dear friend of mine gave me these words of wisdom. "You can forgive someone even though you are torn a part inside.. You can forgive through your tears... It does not mean that you go back to the way things were.. It does not mean that the pain will go away quickly...what it does mean is that we trust God enough to Forgive someone as he forgave us.... I don't know why my pride hasn't let me let it go completely....
As Christians, God tells us to forgive one another. Col 3:13-15 'bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another: even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all things put on love, which is the bond of perfection and let the peace of God rule in your hearts...'
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control." [Proverbs 15:1-2] In other words, in this case, fully and uncontrollably expressing oneself while angry is seen as being not prudent, a sign of foolishness as opposed to a sinful action. Thus, in the Bible, anger is qualified based upon its context and consequence.
I have been a very foolish woman... I know that... and I know that with God's help I will get right on this... I need to completely forgive..not just "half forgive". God has forgiven everything I have ever done so if I want to follow Jesus and carry that cross... I need to forgive too....
2 comments:
I pray that the Lord will take away your pride and fill you with His love and mercy.
I guess I have a perspective different from some, in that I do not think that to truly forgive, we must always maintain a relationship with someone...In fact, I believe that often times, doing that very thing is borne of pride...especially when that someone is a relative or a life-long friend...sometimes we subconsciously fear what others will think if we DON'T continue a relationship...sometimes we are too proud to be the one to walk away.
I think we must pray for discernment in these situations. We must ask ourselves "Why do I want to continue a relationship"...if the answers are that we feel God wants this person in our life, or that we need to learn what this person has to offer, etc...then I'd say continue the relationship....but if the answers are "because we have been friends for so long....or because I don't want them to think I haven't forgiven them"...then perhaps we are being led by pride.
I hope that you find peace!
I can relate with this post on forgiveness. When I get upset with someone, these verses come to mind:
Matthew 6:14-15 ESV For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, (15) but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
If we want God to forgive us, we must forgive those who wrong us, and that is where sometimes my pride also gets in the way...
Just take it one day at a time, and pray to Jesus that He will continue to make my heart flesh and remove all the stone.
Thank you for sharing this...
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