Monday, April 27, 2009
Pride and Forgiveness
I have learned many lessons in my Forty three years of life.. Most of them over the past few years... I have learned that My Pride has not permitted me to fully forgive someone. I was right, she was wrong.... she was right, I was wrong.. I'm sure you have heard many a story like that... When I think about the hurtful words said to me out of anger and confusion... I start to make myself angry all over again... I know that she and I have our own memories and truths... and I think no matter how many times we drive our versions into the ground neither one of us is going to budge.... I know that the words and memories I said to her were not words of kindness and love...they were meant to make her feel as bad as she made me feel... an eye for an eye. a thought for a thought.. a stab for a stab... she felt that she was the original victim and I thought I was...so around and around we go.
What is truly sad to me...is that she was my best friend for the past twenty years... we have known each other forever but became close after I got married. She and I have been to hell and back.. We had always been each others support system..and always a friendly voice at the other end of the phone...and with a few words of anger.. it's all gone...Never to be found again.. Once that kind of trust is broken there are too many scars left behind to go back to the way it was... Will we have a real relationship again? I don't know... Do I want a real relationship again..I don't know... My heart says yes....but my mind and my pride say I just don't know....I'm hurting... A very dear friend of mine gave me these words of wisdom. "You can forgive someone even though you are torn a part inside.. You can forgive through your tears... It does not mean that you go back to the way things were.. It does not mean that the pain will go away quickly...what it does mean is that we trust God enough to Forgive someone as he forgave us.... I don't know why my pride hasn't let me let it go completely....
As Christians, God tells us to forgive one another. Col 3:13-15 'bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another: even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all things put on love, which is the bond of perfection and let the peace of God rule in your hearts...'
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control." [Proverbs 15:1-2] In other words, in this case, fully and uncontrollably expressing oneself while angry is seen as being not prudent, a sign of foolishness as opposed to a sinful action. Thus, in the Bible, anger is qualified based upon its context and consequence.
I have been a very foolish woman... I know that... and I know that with God's help I will get right on this... I need to completely forgive..not just "half forgive". God has forgiven everything I have ever done so if I want to follow Jesus and carry that cross... I need to forgive too....