My Journey Into Motherhood

My journey into Motherhood started in December 1991 when Dusty and I decided to start a family. We were both young and healthy and believed that pregnancy would happen right away. After we made the decision to start a family it seemed like all of my friends started getting pregnant. I was happy at first but when the same friend got pregnant for the 2nd time I was jealous and angry. Everyone was having babies around me. I started refusing to go to baby showers and visiting friends with babies. I was the first one in my group of friends to get married and all of them had a baby before me. It was just too much for me to handle and I was sinking into a depression.
At first we tried to get pregnant the old fashioned way. We made love at the “right time” each month after a couple of years of trying we went to the experts. It’s amazing the tests you can take to find out if you can get pregnant. First test I had was having dye put into my fallopian tubes to make sure that they were clear. I did not have any blockages and passed the test. Then Dusty got tested to see if he good. He assured me that he was a manly man and his little fellas were strong and mighty and he was right. He had a good sperm count and he passed his test. Then the test I thought was the biggest embarrassment of my life was the test where we had to have sex in the morning and rush to the doctor’s office to extract the semen from me to make sure Dusty’s sperm could live in my hostile environment. I just knew everyone in the doctor’s office knew what I had been doing and to say I was embarrassed would be an understatement Thankfully we passed that test too. Finally the doctor believed I was slightly low on my progesterone and recommended clomide. As some of you can agree that drug makes you nuts!!! Dusty was getting fearful of coming home and thought I might be hiding behind the door with an axe. He did bring home a lot of beautiful flower arrangement during that time. In addition to clomede I had to take Robitussin cough syrup and elevate my bottom for 30 minutes after. It was a lot of fun…. As you can image. Well on the 3rd month I stared craving garlic shrimp. Kind of funny because I hated shrimp. I also noticed I was very tired. I WAS PREGNANT!!!
When I found out I was pregnant I called Dusty at work. I was breathing fast. Dusty was in a state of disbelief. His only comment to me was that “I’m sitting at my desk and I am shaking”. We both were in shock and we were singing alleluias inside.
My first trimester was perfect. No morning sickness. I didn’t think I was emotional but Dusty would beg to differ. All my prenatal visits were positive except I was gaining a little too much weight.
On the 19th week of my pregnancy Dusty came with me to my prenatal visit. The nurse said that my blood pressure was a little high. I really didn’t think much about it except that Dusty was there and maybe it was his fault we had had a heated discussion on where we were going to have lunch. I being the pregnant one wanted Tommy Burgers and Dusty wanted a salad. I of course won. Right after the check up I had to get blood work done for the AFP test. Alpha Feta Protein Test. Not quite sure what the test does but most pregnant women have to take it.
A few days after my AFP test the doctor’s office called and said that the test was high and that I needed to go to the hospital for genetic counseling and an ultrasound with a possible amniocentesis I read all I could on the subject of AFP and I got myself all worked up. I called Dusty crying and he came home with flowers to cheer me up and told me to think positive thoughts.
I met with a genetic counselor who I immediately took a strong dislike too. She spoke with a pained voice and a look of utter despair on her face. She advised me of all the horrible things a high AFP test could mean. Down syndrome, brain defects, spine defects, and chromosomal defects. She showed pictures of what could go wrong. She made very upset.
Finally I was taken into the ultrasound room. We saw the baby suck its thumb, we its spine, its brain, its femur (Dusty liked that one) its kidneys. The legs were crossed so we couldn't’t see the sex. After the ultrasound tech was done The doctor walked into the room. He was very direct and did not color coat anything. He said typically there’s a 95% chance that everything is okay. But in our case it’s 80% because the baby was not easily visualized. The baby was very low near my pelvic bone. We said okay to the amniocentesis. After looking more closely at the ultra sound the doctor said my fluid level was very low and he did not recommend the amniocentesis at this time because statistics show that women with a high AFP and low fluid usually lose their baby. What a shocker!!! I became hysterical. The doctor proceeded to explain that this could indicate a bad placenta. I heard all the words the doctor said and Dusty remembered how beautiful the baby looked. Dusty had led a very charmed life. He was always lucky in all he did and bad things just didn’t happen to him. Dusty didn’t understand my outburst of hysteria. Looking back on that day I now know that God made women a little more intuitive about their babies than the father. The doctor wanted me to come back the following week. Over the next couple of weeks the baby was growing and my fluid was increasing. We felt that we were coming out of the woods. Doctor did seem pleased but he did say the baby was small about 2 weeks behind in growth.
On August 23rd I went for my regular prenatal visit and my blood pressure was elevated to 133/90 and I had traces of protein in my urine and I had gained 9 lbs in 2 weeks. I was admitted to the hospital immediately for evaluation. I was diagnosed with pregnancy induced high blood pressure and was sent home with orders to stay in bed for the duration on my pregnancy. I wasn’t even 6 months pregnant yet…
During this time Dusty’s corporate office called me to let me know that Dusty won District Manager of the Year out of hundreds of offices and that they wanted to fly me out to Atlanta to surprise him when he won. My heart was broken that I could not go and I was asked not to tell Dusty that he had won. I have to confess I did tell him before He left because I wanted to share this special occasion with him and I was a little selfish. He flew out to Atlanta for a week for business and I was stuck at home in bed. Only allowed to feed myself and go to the restroom. We did not have a church we belonged too and to be honest we were not walking with the Lord. We believed but we were too busy walking our own path. I was very lonely. All my friends and family worked and I had no one. Dusty came home from Atlanta on a Friday night and had to fly to Cabo San Lucas for a company trip he had won the next day. Again I would be alone. I asked him not to go because I felt that something was going to go wrong at my next doctor’s visit on Tuesday Sept 6th. Dusty wasn’t returning until the 8th. He refused to stay home believing that I was overreacting and that all would be fine.

On Tuesday, September 6th the day of my appointment, I was admitted to the hospital.

To Be Continued Tomorrow