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Saturday, April 25, 2009

My Journey Into Motherhood Part II

On Tuesday, September 6th the day of my appointment, I was admitted to the hospital.

When I arrived at the hospital I never felt more alone or scared. I frantically called Dusty’s dad Darrrell to find Dusty. I didn’t even know what hotel he was staying at. Somehow Darrell found Dusty. For some unknown reason Dusty decided not to go fishing that day and was relaxing in his room. For any of you that know Dusty. He DOES NOT RELAX especially in Cabo and free fishing was involved. Dusty packed his bags, hailed a taxi, and was on a plane within 45 minutes. I know now that God was with us that day. HE knew my needs and he took care of those needs. Even though we weren’t “church going” folks at the time God still LOVED ME Love us. Dusty was by my side within 4 hours.

The Two weeks I was in the hospital trying to keep the baby inside of me was a daily battle. Some days I was on contraction medication to stop contractions I did not feel but distressed the baby. I was on a drug called magnesium sulfate that made me almost cationic. I had shots of steroids to try to mature the baby’s lungs. I was on complete bed rest and most days not allow food because they thought I would have to be rushed into delivery. Every day that our baby stayed inside me was a miracle. I had to lie on my side only. Lying on my back put pressure on the umbilical cord and distressed the baby. So here I was lying on my side not allowed to get out of bed for any reason. Not eating and Dusty in a cot next to my bed for 2 weeks. My room became Dusty’s room he had his shaving kit, his business suits, and all the items he needed if he was lucky enough to go to work that day. One night the nurses rushed into my room and woke up because I had rolled onto my back and the baby’s heart rate dropped. That was very scary. Especially when these normally calm nurses are frantically yelling at you at 2 am to get off your back.

On the 13th day of my hospital stay things started coming to a head. My platelet count was dropping quickly. I started getting strong contractions. The drugs were not working any longer. I knew the baby would be delivered within 48 hours.

The next morning, September 19, 1994, the doctors came in and told me that the baby had to be delivered within the hour. My life was coming into jeopardy. I called my family. By the time I was wheeled in my whole family and Dusty’s family was there to support us and love us.

During my c-section Dusty kept kissing my forehead and telling me how much he loved me and how proud he was. Our daughter Krystal Dawn was delivered . When Krystal was taken from me there was a huge team of doctors for her. After a few minutes a doctor looked at Dusty and gave him the thumbs up. Krystal Dawn was breathing, her color was good, and she was kicking and moving around. Dusty cut her cord. He talked to her and when he did she opened her eyes and held on to his little finger. The doctor said that she had Dusty’s eyes. At that moment Dusty fell in love with his beautiful 1 pound ½ ounce baby daughter.

Krystal was immediately put into NICU where at first things were looking good. By the next day she wasn’t as good as the first day but not too bad either. For the first time Dusty could actually go home. After thinking about it Dusty decided to stay the night at the hospital. Again, I know God had a major role in that decision. At midnight the doctor came in tell us that Krystal was not doing well. She had 3 blood transfusions, she had to be revived several times and her lungs had collapsed. We went to the NICU to see our baby and doctors and nurses were working on her. One of my doctors that took care of me was there. He had his love invested in this beautiful creature he had been trying to save in my womb for weeks. He had been crying

Dusty and I had her baptized that night in NICU. A pastor from the hospital came in and put a little white dress over her blanket and blessed her and placed the sign of the cross on her forehead. I know now that she is in Heaven and baptism wasn’t needed but I needed it for me. I needed to do something as a parent for a daughter that I wouldn’t be able raise and nurture.

At 8:00 am on September 21st Krystal Dawn died. We had a Memorial Service for her that evening with our family. The Pastor who baptized her the previous evening sang Jesus loves me. Even though Krystal Dawn lived for 2 days she was loved by so many. When I was writing this story, I called my sister Debbie and asked her what her thoughts and memories were and her comment to me was “I do know that during the brief time that Krystal was here, she made a huge impact on her and others. She was brought here for a reason and she can’t wait to see her again in Heaven.”

The following year we tried to get pregnant again. I became pregnant right away with clomide only to miscarry my 2nd month. What happened following this miscarriage is unknown. Each doctor I visited had their own theory. After my miscarriage I developed a very high fever. The OB thought I didn’t pass the entire embryo so I had a D and C. The fever persisted for over a month. The fever ranged from 101 – 105. I took Advil and Tylenol to keep it down. I was at the doctors almost every week. I started getting weak, I couldn’t eat and I was out of breath. I had to sleep on the couch down stairs because I couldn’t make it up the stairs. I remember one day I went to the doctor and told him I knew I was dying and to please help me he just looked at me and said I will give you another blood work up and that’s really all I could do. I went home to the couch with an ice bag on my head. Dusty came home from work and saw me on the couch. His frustration was very obvious. He did not say a word. He changed into his swim trunks and went outside and sat on the diving board. I don’t know what he was thinking but I do know he was frustrated. The next day the doctor called me and told me my kidneys have failed and I needed to get to the hospital immediately. My body had become so toxic that if I had not gone to the doctor and had that blood test I most likely would have dropped into a toxic coma and died. I was put on dialysis. I was on it for a month and one night I had a high fever again I was rushed to the hospital. The doctor said I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that your kidneys are working for whatever reason (I think it was a miracle personally) and the bad news is that you have a severe staph infection from the shunt in my chest that I would have to take IV antibiotics for a couple of weeks.

After I got better the doctors all agreed that pregnancy should not be an option for me.

We decided to adopt. Adoption is another journey I have taken. There are many roads on that journey and someday I would love to share that journey with you.

Today I have 2 beautiful and perfect daughters Nicole and Kara. I was meant to be their Mom and they were meant to be my daughters. Whenever someone asks Kara how many brothers and sisters she has she answers I have my 2 sisters, Nicole who lives with me and I have a sister Krystal in Heaven.

Another thing my sister Debbie shared with me is that she truly believes that Nikki and Kara were born to be my daughters. That God had that planned for me and Dusty from the beginning of time. Your daughters are beautiful girls and are lucky to have you two love them just as you and Dusty are blessed to have them. It was simply God’s plan for us.


Casey said...

wow, this was heartbreaking to read but I believe God does everything for a reason! What a blessing Nikki and Kara are and what a blessing you are to them! Thank you for sharing this journey, it really puts things in perspective.

Zaida said...

Wow, again I got chills and cried.
God is so good and how he turns our sorrow into joy.
Thank you for sharing your sorrows and joys with us and for opening your heart to us.

Anonymous said...

OK Kelly, not fair to make me cry on Saturday morning. It's a beautiful story and it shows how God can take unmentionable pain of losing a child and double that love with two amazing daughters who were indeed born to be with you and Dusty and our whole family! Love you

Alaska-womom said...

Thank you for sharing your story, that must have been hard. I have lost babies as well and it is never easy, even after lot's of time has passed.

Delia said...

You have no idea how much these two posts mean to me! THANK YOU for sharing this with the world. I admire your strength and wisdom! Adoption is something my husband and I have discussed, but with everything else going on, it's been placed on the back-burner. Hopefully, someday God will make a way for us to adopt. THANK YOU AGAIN!

Christal said...

Kelly: I knew about Krystal but I didn't realize she was born the day before my birthday and died the day after my birthday. No wonder you are always so good about remembering my it is surrounded by special days you remember. Although I knew the story, it was good to read it and cry again. You are right about Nicole and Kara. Do you remember the first time I saw them I commented that they had Dusty's eyes? Thanks again for sharing. Love you!

~ Judy ~ said...

It never ceases to astound me that a soul could fulfill their entire purpose and their entire mission in TWO DAYS...but, certainly, Krystal did. May she rest in the bosom of Jesus in PEACE and ETERNAL JOY FOREVER.
Thank you for sharing your story Kelly. I can't fathom the ways that you must have changed and grown during those hours, days, all made you into the lovely person you are today!

Lisa said...

What story -- a life you have led. While we may never know God's reason for the way things work out, we can take hold of His blessings, as you have done with Nikki and Kara. I love your sister's perspective, which brought great comfort to my soul! Thanks for sharing!

Dave Scriven said...

What a beautiful story of love and God's great compassion. Just imagine... someday soon we who know Jesus will all be together with Krystal Dawn in heaven rejoicing for all eternity! Thank your for sharing your heart.


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