Fighting Dirty...

Last year I embarked on a quest - a quest to fall in love with my husband... I did the Love Dare - from the movie Fireproof... I have to tell you that I indeed fell in love with Dusty all over again... I was loving in all of my ways... I was making choices to not fight... not criticize.. I was making the choice to love - in my actions and in my words... After the 40 days - others around us saw the changes... There were actual physical changes... We appeared to be more joyful... younger... more playful... A dear friend of mine called me on the phone one day - because she just wanted to tell me she loved what she saw... our pure love shining through... and she was thrilled... This particular friend was there the day - I announced that I had filed for divorce... We had been married 20 years and I was - no we were miserable... Something had to change... The Love Dare did that - God did that.... In His Word - In His Instructions - for the first time in my life I knew what love really was.... but....

A year has gone by since the Love Dare has been completed... We have been drifting away from the choices we were actively making... I was actively making... I lost sight of my responsibilities of being a Christ centered Wife... a loving wife... and because I lost focus - Dusty lost focus... I find that we are falling into some of the old habits of carelessness... and it has got to stop... I do not want to be back in the place we first started... The fighting has got to stop.. the indifference has got to stop... The drifting away has got to stop....

Today - I went back to my Love Dare book - I opened the book directly to Day 13- Love Fights Fair.... Yep - God has a way of just letting you know it... setting you right... I realized that I have been fighting dirty... That I have been so very prideful that I did not see the damage I have been inflicting... Words hurt... Actions hurt... Dirty Fighting can damage so deeply.. I could say that Dusty is guilty too - but you know - I am in charge of how I act... how I respond... and I choose to stop.... here is an excerpt from the Love Dare that just smacked me hard today...

The deepest, most heartbreaking damage you'll ever do (or have ever done) to your marriage will most likely occur in the thick of conflict. That's because this is when your pride is strongest. Your anger is hottest. You're the most selfish and judgmental. Your words contain the most venom. You make the worst decisions. A great marriage on Monday can start driving off a cliff on Tuesday if unbridled conflict takes over and neither of you has your foot on the brakes...

Love Reminds You That Your Marriage is Too Valuable To Destroy
Love Reminds You Your Spouse Is More Important Than The Fight.
Love Helps You Install Airbags and sets ups guardrails

Married couples who learn to work through conflict tend to be closer, more trusting, more intimate, and enjoy a much deeper connection afterward..

I have learned that The Love Dare should go beyond the 40 days.. It should last a lifetime... So I am back to basics... The Love Dare Day One..... Love Is Patient - Today - say NOTHING negative.....

Dear Lord - I messed Up Again..

Dear Lord,

I messed up again. I disappointed others, myself, and worst of all - I disappointed you. The more I struggled with your word - the more I fail... the more I fall short.... How can you forgive me when I fail you All the time..... so many times?

Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak" (Matthew 26:41). Our bodies have strong desires that tempt us to sin... When I think of all the times I fall short - I am in awe of all the times you forgive me... Your word tells me that all I need to do is ask, then receive Your forgiveness... Is it really true that my all sins are gone as far as the east is from the west? It's hard for me understand... but you are God and nothing is impossible...

Tonight - I again realized that you want a relationship with me... You want me to love you with all that I am... You want my heart... Everything I do in corporate worship isn't enough - good works are not enough - especially if I do the things out of obligation and not because of my desire... You want me to worship you.. to love agape... To Desire you To embrace your uncommon grace...

Today in Crazy Love - I read this: "Are you willing to say to God that He can have whatever He wants? Do you believe that wholehearted commitment to Him is more important than any other person in your life? Do you know that nothing you do in this life will ever matter, unless it is about loving God and loving the people He has made?"

Father, I am in a work in progress - I am thankful that you love me... you forgive me and you have not given up on me.... thank you.

Friday Follow - My First Giveaway | I've Become My Mother!

Friday Follow - My First Giveaway | I've Become My Mother!

Today - I am Letting Go!

Today - I am letting go - I am giving up control - I'm letting Jesus take the wheel.. I've been driving too long - and I'm tired.... With me behind the wheel there have been too many detours.. too many dead ends... I realized today (again) that I cannot do it all.... I try to be everything to everyone and I am exhausted... I've put my Father, my husband, and my kids on the back burner... The most important things in my life have been upstaged by my mad desires.. My mad and crazy business... my mad and crazy need to be in control... Not trusting God to take care of me....

With me in the drivers seat - I have driven off the road... I have gotten lost... I have ended up in places that I should never have ventured to.... So picture me stepping out of the car... walking around to the passenger's door getting in... not putting on a seat belt - with Jesus driving - there is no need - He alone protects me...

The Lord will keep you from harm - he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore... Psalm 121:7-8