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Sunday, April 11, 2010

Struggling With Intimacy


For the last few months I have been struggling with my relationships... My relationship with my husband... with my friends... and with My God... I have found myself backing away... Wanting to be alone... Many of those who don't know me intimately probably would not notice the change... I can be subtle... But my closest friends.. Those who help to hold me accountable - see it... feel it...

I have been finding reasons not to go to church... not to journal.. not to pray.. I have been making excuses to my family... my friends.. and my God... Excuses for not being completely there... In many ways - I have been completely absent... Today - I had obligations and made myself get up and go to church and quite honestly I did not want to be there... I was going through the motions...

Today - I opened up to a friend... something I rarely do.... I shared what I have been going through... I am not angry at God... but I have been bored... I wasn't allowing Him to fill my needs any longer.. I have been seeking worldly desires... Worldly intimacies... Today - I noticed that the more I was avoiding Him... the more my joy was fleeing... The joy that I found in His word... in His presence... was just a memory.... I was not allowing myself to be intimate with Him.... Today - my friend shared that she was going through some of the same emotions..... Isn't it funny how He puts others in our path that can share and empathize with us.. Women who are also struggling in their relationships.. I think God loves us so much that He doesn't want us to be alone.. He wants us to find Him through and with others...

We are still studying Crazy Love by Francis Chan... To be perfectly honest - I had not read the chapter we were going to discuss tonight... The title of this week's chapter is 'When You're In - Love'..... The basic premise of the chapter was how to create that intimacy with our Father...I had not prepared myself for tonight's lesson - and leave it to Him to open the book to exactly what He wanted me to see....

Excerpt from Crazy Love - Chapter Six

SomeOne I Can Be Real With

If you merely pretend to enjoy God or love Him, He knows. You can't fool Him; don't even try. Instead, tell Him how you feel. Tell Him that He isn't the most important thing in this life to you, and that you're sorry for that. Tell Him that you've been lukewarm, that you've chosen (whatever it is) over Him time and again. Tell Him that you want Him to change you, that you long to genuinely enjoy Him. Tell Him how you want to experience true satisfaction and pleasure and joy in your relationship with Him. Tell Him you want to love Him more than anything on this Earth. Tell Him you want to treasure the kingdom of heaven so much that you'd willingly sell everything in order to get it. Tell Him what you like about Him, what you appreciate, and what brings you joy...


5 comments:

Zaida said...

Thanks for being "my person" and for listening to me and for being YOU!
I'm so glad the Father's love isn't conditional.

RCUBEs said...

I think we all go through that being all sinners from the start. It's a constant battle we're in spiritually. And the enemy is always active to stop any child of God from their tracks in becoming effective for His glory. Thank you for your honesty sister. I just want to listen as I visit you today. But know you have a praying friend here. God bless you. Take care.

Karen said...

I have struggled with this before, too...and you are so right that the Lord will place someone in our path that knows exactly what to say....

Finally Free said...

This is such a real and honest post. Thanks for sharing. Thanks for commenting on my blog. I have been there, too.

Blessings,
Tammy

Lloyd said...

I will pray for you to have the peace, joy and love that only our Lord can bring you. I believe that all of us sometimes start loosing our way, but God sends us someone to get us back on track. Please continue seeking God's Wisdom through His Word and He will draw nearer too you. God bless, Lloyd

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