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Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I Choose To Love My Husband


Tomorrow I will be celebrating 21 years of marriage.... It's hard to believe that I have spent over half of my life with this man.... I met Dusty shortly before my 21st birthday - I cannot say it was love at first sight... But I can say - I fell in love with him because he made me laugh.... He had a kindness and sense of humor that made him hard to resist.... But shortly after the "I do" everything just seemed to fall apart..

If you have read ever read my other blog - I've Become My Mother - you would know that we did not have a happily ever after marriage.. in fact - we hated each other for most of our marriage... I know hate is a very strong word - but I believe it is the word that described us..... I did not know how to love him... and he did not know how to love me either.... We were two people who married too soon and did not know what to do... so we became roommates that were raising two incredible kids together...

A few years ago - I filed for divorce - paid the attorney way too much money- called my pastor - and cried.... I believed this was the right thing to do... I was done... I felt I had wasted my life and it was time to start all over.... This is when Dusty realized that he loved his family... not necessary me - but he did not want to lose the family we had created together.... My pastor helped by telling Dusty this... "I believe in marriage.... no one ever wants a divorce.. no one... Kelly is serious about this and I think it would be a good idea to give her time.... Sometimes - marriage can be like a sprained ankle - in order to have it heal.... you got to take the weight off of it.... " Dusty - moved out and tried to give me the time I needed.... I let him move back the day after Christmas.... Not because I wanted our marriage to work.. but because I felt bad for him... We went back into our destructive circle for another year until.....

I kept hearing about this movie called Fireproof and how it had a book in the movie that helped to save marriages... I was hoping to learn a "fool proof" way to save my marriage... My church decided to have a Fireproof series - not only was the sermon based on marriage... the Sunday school lessons were based on it too.... The first day - we watched the movie together... I don't think a movie has ever hit me so hard... I saw me... I saw Dusty in both of the characters.. The movie opened my eyes - a little... To take it one step further - I was shopping at Sam's Club and there was the book - The Love Dare - the book from movie.....

I bought The Dare - and it took me on journey that I cannot describe... I learned how to love Dusty - for the first time, really.... It came down to choices... How God wanted me to love.... Once I was able to grasp the concept - the emotions and the feelings followed suit.... The amazing thing is that - after a while Dusty saw a difference in me.. and wanted more.... He learned how to love through my actions... You can follow my journey in I've Become my Mother - Day One. I have learned that it is easy to fall back on destructive behavior... Dusty and I are not in the best place today.... Not because I don't love him... I do... We... no I have gotten too busy... too lazy to work on Love...

So today - I am going to do The Love Dare again... Today - I choose to love my husband.... I love you, Honey... and I choose you...

Love Dare Day 22 - "Love is a choice, not a feeling.. It is an initiated action, not a knee-jerk reaction. Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it. Say to them today in words similar to these. "I love you. Period... I choose to love you even if you don't love me in return" I truly believe - at least I believe now in this season in my life - it's never too late to love..






8 comments:

RCUBEs said...

Happy Anniversary sister! I'm so happy to hear that God made your marriage be restored! I never knew you had those painful moments and thank you for sharing those. It's never easy but to know that you can overcome, that alone is a big encouragement for others who needs their marriage restored or even avoid the awful thing:divorce.

My family and I loved that movie and my DH and I did the dare. So glad we did. Marriage is really a work of not one but two and even better when Christ is in the center of it. That would be hard to break! May God bless you both and may you both continue to grow in His grace and knowledge. Love to you.

Zaida said...

Happy Anniversary my Friends. You are such a strong woman of God and I enjoy getting to know with each new post. I'm glad I have you in mu life!

Traci Michele said...

Happy Anniversary! Keep choosing to love. What a powerful testimony!

Traci

Mamma has spoken said...

Happy Anniversary!!! It does take a lot of hard work to keep it going. May you continue to find your way through your marriage.

Casey said...

Happy Anniversary! I hope you two have a wonderful and special day. Thank you for sharing your story and for being so honest, it is helpful for others to read to know that they aren't alone and that things aren't always perfect! I have done The Love Dare, I think you followed my journey when I had a blog about it, and I loved it. I am actually about to restart it! Take care and happy anniversary

Tara McClendon said...

Congratulations. May God be with you in the years to come.

Bob West said...

God has greatly gifted you
I enjoyed visiting your blog
God Bless;

http://westbob.blogspot.com/2010/02/encourager-part-1.html

Oh Sew Good said...

It's not always easy to remain true to your vows or the Word but it's always worth it. It's sometimes just a matter of pushing past the pain to get to the side of enrichment and better relationship. One thing I hope you will keep in mind is the legacy you will leave your children and how marriage can last if you work at it. :)

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