Friends that want to hang out

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

What A Man Needs..

Don't you just love the title of this post - Sounds kind of ... I don't know... sexy? Funny maybe? Especially in a Christian Mom's Blog... Any hoo.... Yesterday, in my I've Become My Mother blog I wrote about a study I am doing in my Sunday school class called Men are Like Waffles and Women are Like Spaghetti - good book.. Of course, as my friend Tom pointed out there are many husbands out there that will do their fair share of the house work... many times more than their share.... kuddos to those men... my husband being one of them. But in all honesty - God created us (men and women) so very differently.... and in that difference we can be so blessed.... I love the fact my husband is a man's man.... I love the fact he is way more stronger than me... and many times much more logical then me... I run on emotions and he runs on facts that are black and white.... I use words like I feel this.... He uses words like - It is this.... Different sexes.... different views..... different communication skills... and in that difference - makes me feel (using that word again) like a woman....

In one of my study Bibles I ran across a marriage builder section written by Jim and Sally Conway - and I wanted to share it with you.

Communication between a woman and a man is very different from what happens when two women talk. When two women get together, they do a lot of explaining and restating until the other person understands what is being said. But a man may say something vague, such as, "I don't know. I guess my job is really tough." After making that short statement, he may drop it. His wife assumes it must not be a big problem since he didn't say more than two sentences. But she needs to pick up on the little phrase that he did say.. He's feeling a great loss, but he's not expressing it. Women need to listen to the small phrases that their husbands are saying and then respond accordingly. A man needs a wife who cares enough to listen to the brief, sometimes weak, signals that he gives off. And then respond with gentle questions to draw him out, not by taking the opportunity to describe her own struggles. When one spouse is drawn away by someone out of the marriage, it's usually not that he's being drawn by love. More often he drawn away because someone else showed they cared..

Please do not think I believe if I don't listen to my husband he will cheat - that is not what I am saying.. What I am saying is that we (husbands and wives) communicate differently and we need to learn (if we have not already)how each of us communicates..When we learn to understand each other better - what a glorious feeling.... there's that word again.... Understanding each other opens the door for much more happiness, tolerance, grace, and many more positive experiences.

Proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor with the Lord.

One of my favorite quotes from The Love Dare is : A husband should listen to his wife and learn to be considerate of her unspoken messages. A wife should learn to communicate truthfully and not say one thing while meaning another..... that's a tough one


darsden said...

Amen men and women totally two different ways of communicating you hit that one on the head. I scatch my head and say ... that is not at all what I said or meant!

~*~KIMBERLY~*~ said...

Kelly, great post. This is something that the Lord continually reminds me of and your post sent me another reminder. Thank You Father, in Jesus' name, amen.

~ Judy ~ said...

Great post Kelly. My husband is like yours in that he is very "black and white" wherein I am often wallowing around trying to analyze the "gray"!
Great advice here about asking more questions to draw out an underlying struggle in our spouses!

Kim said...

Kelly, thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment! We spent a year doing short-term missions in East Africa before coming to Argentina. LOVED Africa! Left part of my heart there. Still stay in touch with dear friends we made. Have you been to Africa before or will this be your first trip?

2Thinks said...

Have you ever read Love and Respect? That's the one we worked through last year and it was similar to these thoughts and very good, even if a little bit self-promoting. It really changed the way we communicated with each other, for the better. I love it when we read stuff like that together. Thanks for visiting my blog. I have to check out your other 2! now. Wow! 3 blogs. Go girl!

Kelly's Ideas said...

Thank you ladies for all of your comments -they are awesome.
Kim - I have not been on missions trip yet -Africa will be my first. I feel that God is leading me this directions - we are developing a missions ministry at our church and I am very excited..

2Thinks - I have not read the book but I will look forward it- there are so many things to learn - thank you

Mikes Sumondong said...

very well said. God is indeed a provider.

jeanne said...

Kelly, thank you for your visit. Because of a long nap today I am on my computer late.

Your post is so true about the way men and women communicate. I need more patience to listen to my hubby instead of thinking I know exactly what he is going to say and sort of say it for him. He hates that. I would too. I'm working on it. Thanks for a post that makes me think. Even after 46 years of marriage, we can still learn about better communication.

I did a post on weddings and marriage. You might enjoy it.



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