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Sunday, June 21, 2009

Dealing With Conflict - God's Way

There has been some conflict in my life lately.... Conflicts with people I love.... I am one of those people that truly hates conflict.... but I am also one of those people that does not believe in sweeping things under the rug.... Recently my kids stayed a week with their grandparents.. There were many conflicts during that time... Many hurt feelings.. many misunderstandings... One of the things their grandmother would say after a conflict - was - okay let's just forget "it" happened... don't tell your parents.. and we'll move on... Well, no disrespect towards my mother in law but that just doesn't work.... My youngest came home very upset.... many hurt feelings and at this time does not want to talk or see her nana... I have a sister who I love with all my heart - but last year right after my dad died and feelings were raw - we had a big conflict.... and to this day our relationship is not the same.... not even close. I miss her.
We as humans can have problems with people... Believers who love the Lord and try to serve Him still can have conflicts with people (being a follower of Christ does not make us/me immune)... It would be great if everyone would just get a long... but in the real world unfortunately that does not happen continually.. It just doesn't.... Many people avoid confrontations... they fear being disliked or rejected.. But after time they start to resent the person they are avoiding and that doesn't do any good... We tend to have a belief that in every conflict there must be a winner and a loser.... at least I have always thought that... I have learned recently that there can be a win-win outcome in a conflict... but the conflict must be approached with the right attitude and the right heart... We need to confront with respect for the other person involved....
Matthew 18:15-16 If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses...

The longer we wait to confront someone - the more distracted we get.... the more angry we get.. and the problem develops a life of its own.. We need to address problems now ... today... we must not let it fester... we must not lose our loved ones... Positive confrontations is a way to show that we care about a person.. Each time you build up people - you give them the chance to grow... you give yourself a chance to grow..
Luke 6:36-41 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you... Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit?.. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?

We need to deal with conflict the way God has outlined in the Bible...
A.W. Tozer once said, "Never be afraid of honest criticism. If the critic is wrong, you can help him; and if your wrong, he can help you. Either way, somebody's helped"


Zaida said...

I used to just hold on to issues and just let it fester and it doesn't feel good at all. With the Lord's hep I have been able to confront situations. It's harder when it's family though. I will pray for healing and restoration.

Heidi said...

Hi Kelly, First let me say thanks for stopping to visit me at my blog and for following me! Thanks for the reminder on conflict here. Sometimes I am too prideful in the way I handle conflict especially as a parent/child relationship. I use me being a parent as a means of justification to be angry, etc. I need to lead by example and be the first to run to the cross for forgiveness. I love the A.Z. Tozer quote!

Okay... enough... I could ramble on and on. Again thanks for coming by! We'll see you around. ♥

From the Heart said...

Your post is so right. I have always hated conflict so would try to avoid it or just let it go. Recently something happened that really bothered me and my husband. I was walking away and suddenly realized I could not let this go so I went to the person and found that I had drawn the wrong conclusion. It felt so good afterward to know that God helped me do what I did. The person even went to my husband and explained things to him. We have to realize that Satan will put things in our minds that are not true and if we don't take care of it, then it just grows bigger and bigger. Praise God for helping me. It's a shame it took me so long to learn this lesson. My life would have been a whole lot better if I had learned it many years ago.
From my heart to yours,

christy rose said...

I beleive mercy is the key to successful confrontations. This is such wisdom.

Mikes said...

My prayer is for you and your sister to be okay. May Love just continue to envelop your family.

~ Judy ~ said...

So sorry Kelly...discord with extended family is so difficult.
I am reflecting on this idea of "positive" confrontation...thanks for the thought-provoking post :)
Peace to your family!


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