In the first week of school last September the junior high principal was giving parents advise about their junior higher.. He said if your child says they finished their homework... ask them to show it to you.... If your child tells you a story about someone or something... don't always believe it... If they tell you about a new rule at school... call the office.. Kids this age are testing their boundaries.. they are seeing how far they can go... They are on the fence from being a little child climbing over to the scary world of adulthood... Their minds have a hard time grasping why us parents/adults don't treat them as equals... allowing them the same privileges that we have.
I have learned that I have to question things my child tells me... If it doesn't sound true or plausible it usually isn't true.. My daughter is trying to learn the art of "telling Mom what I think she wants to hear"......for those out there that really know me.... they know I wrote the book on that one... I was not a bad child... neither is my lovely daughter.... but I had the art of twisting the story till it benefited me down to an art.....that being said.. I usually can read my kid like a book.. thankfully... at least for the time being..
Today we were talking about how lies can affect people... How lies are so bad that God had made it one of the Top 10 big no- no's.... I asked Nikki why she lied and her answer reminded me of me at her age... She said that she lies because she knows if she asks I'll say no.. and she wants what she wants...She lies so she won't get a lecture from me about how she should have or should not have done something...She lies so she won't get in trouble for doing something she knows is wrong... She lies to make me proud of her.... She lies to have something to say..
I am not saying lying is right but her honest answers really made me think.... Knowing why she lies can only help her and me to create a safe environment for her to learn how to be more honest.. by making the right choices and maybe give me a moment to think about saying yes more often than no....
Going thorough the teenage years again with my daughter makes me appreciate the level of tolerance my mom had towards me.... being a teenage girl is tough..their minds are going in so many different directions and the emotions...don't get me started....
Listening to the Principal last September made me realize that lying is a part of growing up.... and that I'm not a bad parent because my kid is trying to master this skill.. I am rather a parent of a very normal child who wants to try impress me.. and make me proud.... and as a parent - I need to teach her that I am proud of her ALL the time... and am looking forward to the day when she has mastered the art of TRUTH...
1 comment:
A good post. My oldest daughter had a real problem with lying. We had many conversations about why you should not do that. Also, she could never understand how I knew when she was lying. Her facial expressions always gave her away. Hopefully she grew out of it as she only has God to answer to now.
Blessings,
AliceE.
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