My Husband - "Mr. Fix It"

My husband is a Professional Manager at work and at life.... We often have discussions about what happened in my day with my business... with the kids. I would share a few things that may have disturbed me - a client not paying his bill on time... one or both of the kids acting out.. a disagreement I may have had with a lender or borrower... Usually when I get around to telling him the story of my day - it's already been "handled" but he can't help but advise me on what I should have said or done... It's not as if I could go back and have a re-do... My husband wants to fix the problem I am having (had) or give a solution or advise on what I should have done or will do in the future... "What can I do for you?" is a standard question.... I hear from him... Many times I do not need him to fix it - many times it cannot be fixed.... And maybe I just don't want it fixed... I just want him to listen to me..

Managers like my husband are natural problem-solvers. Every challenge is an opportunity to be met quickly. With marriage and relationships - problem-solvers are suddenly faced with a challenge that cannot be easily solved or it cannot be solved at all. Dusty (my husband) wants to fix things when they are broken - he wants things to always run smoothly - "well managed" but life - love - marriage is messy... We have definitely called on each others patience and we have learned that patience in marriage works a lot like faith... Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1. Dusty may want to fix it - but he is learning that listening to me.. having patience with me may be all the fixing something needs... I am learning that - I should listen to Dusty's advise (he is a very smart man) and who knows I just might gain more knowledge and/or wisdom the next time I have a conflict...

The longer we are married the more practice we are getting - soon we will be reaching the Twenty-two years of marriage mark - hard to believe.. I'm thinking we may be closer to "perfection" in another twenty-two years - What do you think?

*Picture from Picasa

I Just Want To Be Happy

How many times have you heard someone say - "I just want to be happy."? This statement will often follow a divorce... a separation... It will many times follow an action that may have been a huge and life changing event. I remember the day I filed for divorce... I left the attorney's office and got into my car... I called my sister on the phone and I was crying hysterically ... I remember telling her that all I wanted was to be happy... and my husband wasn't doing it.... I canceled the divorce proceedings two years later and it took a lot of soul searching and praying to learn that Dusty (my husband) was not responsible for my happiness.... I punished him for twenty years for not living up to my unrealistic expectations... and I am truly sorry for that....

I recently found a journal that I had kept when Dusty and I were dating... I had forgotten the pure joy I had with him.. The constant laughter.. I had forgotten what made me fall in love with him... Dusty could make me laugh like no other.... He would tell these stories that were so outrageous and the way he told them would keep my complete attention... He drew me in like a fly to honey..... Even to this day - Dusty is the most funny and smartest man I have ever known... and somewhere over the past 21 years - I had forgotten that...

As I have matured in my age and in my faith and in my marriage - I have learned that happiness is ever changing... My expectations are changing.... My wants and needs and the way I love have changed.... Dusty and I are no longer the very young twenty somethings from years and years ago.... thank goodness - I like who we are today... and the last few weeks - We have spent an abnormal amount of time together... and it's fun to rediscover the laughter we once had... He's a funny guy, my man....

Romans 12:10 Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.

I Need To Wait... Patiently

I have shared many times that I am not a patient person... I am always in a hurry of some sort and having to wait at times... drives me INSANE... and as I shared last week, my husband was laid off and needs to find a new job... Granted I am not worried - I know the right job will come along... We have always been frugal and I am sure that all will be good... It's just that I hate waiting....

Hate waiting to find out where... when... what.....

I also am having a hard time sharing my space... I know that sounds awful.... But - the husband is also driving me insane.... I don't think he means to. I know he is doing what he needs to do. But when I get into a rhythm at work - I don't want someone looking over my shoulder... or asking me to explain what I am doing and why... Granted - he wants to know more about what I do and I should have the patience to explain to him - but focus on paragraph one... I am NOT a patient person...

Thankfully - we are not fighting about this... yet.... I was reminded yesterday that God's timing is perfect... always.. and I need to wait on Him - throughout the Bible - God tells us to wait... Why? So we can trust in Him.... and know that He is in control...

Psalms 37:7 Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way.

Lamentation 3:25 The Lord is good to those that wait on Him, to the person that seeks Him.




image from Yahoo pictures.

I Blame Eve

One of my eldest daughter's favorite sayings is "I blame Eve" If she did not bite the apple - all of the pains of being a woman would be non-existent.. The monthly bill (cramps)..... Child birth... But I also believe that God - has given women a much larger role.... because He loves us... Because He knows that only a woman could handle what we do... Not to say that men are not great in their God given roles.... They are.... I know I would not have the life I live today if it were not for the success and diligence of my husband.

I believe that the husband is the head of our home.... I believe that final decisions are made by the husband.. That does not mean - I am a rug and whatever he says goes.. Just as Christ is not inferior to the Father, but is the second person in the trinity, so wives are equal to their own husband. Yet in a marriage relationship, a husband and wife have different roles to the Lord. A wife's voluntary submission arises out of her own submission to Christ.
Ephesians 5:22-24 Wives, submit to your own husband, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body..

I believe that the husband who loves his wife - will treat her with the utmost love and respect... When Paul was talking about the husband's authority - he did not emphasize his authority but he did call the husbands to love self-sacrificially. Husbands are to emulate Christ's love, the kind of love that is willing to lay down one's life for another person and serve hat person even if it means suffering..
Ephesians 5:25-26 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word.

Husband and wives have much different roles - I have "feelings"... He has "logic".... I can talk forever.... He can watch sports forever.. I can do several things at once... He can delegate several things at once.... I nurture... He provides a living..... I over think things and fester.... He says what he thinks.... and it's done...

But in some very odd way - these differences make us go together.. we compliment each other.. God's designs are always perfect....

Love Is Not Merely A Feeling

Love as distinct from "being in love" is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthen by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask, and receive from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be "in love" with someone else. "Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it. C. S. Lewis

Before I was married a good friend of mine also known as my sister, Debbie gave me some great advice... She said - every morning to make a commitment to love my husband that day - whether I wanted to or not..... She said to look in the mirror and say, "I will love Dusty today".. It was great advise... it would have been much better if I took it... It took me twenty (20) years to get it... Twenty years I wasted being a toxic wife..... and I wish I could have those twenty years back...

I am so thankful for the 2nd, third, and 578 chances to make it right... To make the choice to love.. It's funny - how really easy it is for me.... for us... Granted there are still many days that I just want to kick him in the butt for being a testosterone filled jerk and I sure there are times he's not too fond of my hormones either.. We fight... I yell and he has his great comebacks.. We have many different interests.. He loves sports... I can't stand to watch them on TV... He is always moving and doing something.. I like to sit and veg... He loves going to the swap meet - I love going to Macy's after Christmas sale.. but somehow in our differences we compliment each other...

Even when I don't like Dusty - I still love him..... That is in my opinion a sure sign of real adult love.. Love the way God intended us to love... Many times we are just not lovable... and still God loves us - warts and all. God does not love us because we are lovable but because he loves.. 1John 4:10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

Today- I choose to love Dusty. I choose to show him love him unconditionally... the way I am suppose too... the way I want too.

Phil Collins playing Groovy Kind Of Love - our first dance over twenty years ago..

What A Man Needs..

Don't you just love the title of this post - Sounds kind of ... I don't know... sexy? Funny maybe? Especially in a Christian Mom's Blog... Any hoo.... Yesterday, in my I've Become My Mother blog I wrote about a study I am doing in my Sunday school class called Men are Like Waffles and Women are Like Spaghetti - good book.. Of course, as my friend Tom pointed out there are many husbands out there that will do their fair share of the house work... many times more than their share.... kuddos to those men... my husband being one of them. But in all honesty - God created us (men and women) so very differently.... and in that difference we can be so blessed.... I love the fact my husband is a man's man.... I love the fact he is way more stronger than me... and many times much more logical then me... I run on emotions and he runs on facts that are black and white.... I use words like I feel this.... He uses words like - It is this.... Different sexes.... different views..... different communication skills... and in that difference - makes me feel (using that word again) like a woman....

In one of my study Bibles I ran across a marriage builder section written by Jim and Sally Conway - and I wanted to share it with you.

Communication between a woman and a man is very different from what happens when two women talk. When two women get together, they do a lot of explaining and restating until the other person understands what is being said. But a man may say something vague, such as, "I don't know. I guess my job is really tough." After making that short statement, he may drop it. His wife assumes it must not be a big problem since he didn't say more than two sentences. But she needs to pick up on the little phrase that he did say.. He's feeling a great loss, but he's not expressing it. Women need to listen to the small phrases that their husbands are saying and then respond accordingly. A man needs a wife who cares enough to listen to the brief, sometimes weak, signals that he gives off. And then respond with gentle questions to draw him out, not by taking the opportunity to describe her own struggles. When one spouse is drawn away by someone out of the marriage, it's usually not that he's being drawn by love. More often he drawn away because someone else showed they cared..

Please do not think I believe if I don't listen to my husband he will cheat - that is not what I am saying.. What I am saying is that we (husbands and wives) communicate differently and we need to learn (if we have not already)how each of us communicates..When we learn to understand each other better - what a glorious feeling.... there's that word again.... Understanding each other opens the door for much more happiness, tolerance, grace, and many more positive experiences.

Proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor with the Lord.

One of my favorite quotes from The Love Dare is : A husband should listen to his wife and learn to be considerate of her unspoken messages. A wife should learn to communicate truthfully and not say one thing while meaning another..... that's a tough one