Friends that want to hang out

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

When Is It Cheating?

One of my favorite movies is Fireproof - as many of you may know - 'The Love Dare' in that movie saved my marriage.... seriously it did... I posted my 40 day journey into 'happily ever after' on my blog I've Become My Mother.... One of the things that the movie showed is how easy an innocent relationship can turn into a possible affair.... One of the many things that the Bible teaches us is that we are to bring honor to our husbands... wives.. We are to love... cherish..... We are to stay away from temptation... We are to put our spouses above all others....

"Have you not read that He who made them in the beginning made them male and female, and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?' So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."
Matthew 19:4-6.

In today's world - divorce is common - being remarried over and over again is common - having kids without marriage is common.... Staying married and adultery free is uncommon - isn't it strange how much the world has changed?

So my question to you is this... What would you consider inappropriate behavior... ? What do you consider cheating? When I asked this question to a few of my friends the other day - we were all surprised on how different our answers were.... It made for a great conversation..... and a lot of laughs....

Is it cheating to accept an old girlfriend or boyfriend as a friend on Facebook?
Is it cheating to look at a beautiful woman or man?
Is it cheating to have lunch with a co-worker? a client?
Is it cheating to see an old flame (innocently) and not tell your spouse?
Is it cheating to watch porn?

It kind of makes you think doesn't it??? Where do you draw the line? Or do you draw one? I'm curious - send me a comment - What do you think?

What this clip - it says it all..


Traci Michele said...

Hey! How are you. Great post! I think cheating is when you think you and I think we are strong, but we are not.

When we entertain lustful thoughts, that are not for our husband.

When we play with fire, and don't RUN from potential danger.

When we are like a frog, that is slowly boiling to death in the warm water on the stove.

I think that, just like you said, just adding an old boyfriend on facebook, can seem innocent, but we are playing with fire if it causes us to create even a bit of passion in our heart, an unrighteous excitement of an "old flame" ...

I've read too many stories of how affairs started... innocent, going out with a co-worker for a "business meeting"...

The bible says to "FLEE YOUTHFUL LUSTS"....


So... I want to become a follower, but the fireproof movie overlaps your google friend finder...

Can I be your friend? :-) tee hee


Shayla said...

Okay I have really strict views on cheating, for me its the intention that matters most.

I know my belief may be different than yours or someone else's but in high school I got cheated on and I cheated a couple of times so I know what it's like to be on both ends.

I know how one hug can change things forever.

Is it cheating to accept an old girlfriend or boyfriend as a friend on Facebook? That depends on your intentions. If you add them because you want to see their pictures, make flirtatious comments, and see if you can hang out again- then yes cheating (emotional, but still cheating). If you add them because you ended on good terms and you just genuinely want to say hello, and then never talk or hang out- not cheating.

Is it cheating to look at a beautiful woman or man?
Again depends on intentions. If you are wishing you had them, thinking sexual thoughts, staring at them in a way your spouse would find innappropriate if they were there then yep cheating. If someone attractive walks by and you just lookup because you heard the door shut- nope not cheating

Is it cheating to have lunch with a co-worker? a client?
Again and Again its intentions. I have had lunch with coworkers just to talk about what's going on with them and allowing them to have someone to vent to, but if you know that person is going to hit on you, touch you (even just on the arm) or make comments about you- then you are putting yourself in the position to cheat.

Also, if your spouse would frown upon you spending time with that specific person then I believe that is cheating

Is it cheating to see an old flame (innocently) and not tell your spouse? Yes, because if you aren't telling your spouse it isnt so "innocent"

Is it cheating to watch porn?
YES without a doubt.

thanks for posting this, its very intresting!!!

Denise said...

He will judge our hearts.. Many people think that the actions count as sin but the word of God tells us that if we think in our hearts it is accounted unto us as sin.... We need to guard our hearts and minds.... To entertain it in our hearts is to do it and then it will effect the relationship with your spouse.... We need to understand what God calls sin....... Even thoughts is going to far....

Frances said...

Here is how I told my hubby my definition of cheating.

"If you wouldn't do it in front of me, it is cheating."

So talking with or being friends with members of the opposite sex is fine, but if it were to go beyond what he would do in front of me, it is cheating.

End of story, at least at our house.

Saleslady371 said...

Wow, I like Frances answer. Cuts to the quick. This is a great post. My old boyfriend and I connected on FB. Man, does he look old...LOL. I am praying for his salvation. I'm praying for Debbie, too.

~ Judy ~ said...

I am so happy that you and husband grew closer and restored your marriage through the Love Dare Kelly.

The replies you have received have been pretty consistent...and I would agree with them.

I think MOST times that we would intentionally place ourselves in a one on one situation with a man who is not our spouse when it is NOT a probably inappropriate at least and a great temptation waiting to happen at most.

Cheating is CHEATING...NOT BEING TRUE AND FAITHFUL...ANY of those things you mention in your post fit the bill...and I believe we all know deep down if we cheat our spouse...and remember, we are also cheating GOD and OURSELVES at the same time.

If I might ask a rhetorical question I said above, the replies you've gotten have been pretty consistent. So it has left me wondering why the answers you received from your friends were so varied? Would you share more details? Which points did they differ on and what were their reasons?

From the Heart said...

A good post. The Bible says in 1st Thes. 5:22 to abstain from every form (or my word appearance) from evil. If we are truly committed to God, I believe the Holy Spirit will let us know what we should or should not do. Therefore we should not put ourselves in any place that might tempt us to do what we know we should not do.

Kelly's Ideas said...

Great comments - I agree with everyone - I believe that something that may start out "innocently" has the potential to turn.... I would not want my husband to have a heart to heart talk with another woman... I believe how you feel in the inside can be cheating... more than your actions...
Judy, one friend said that her best friend was a man and her husband hated it.. cuz he thought it was cheating... that was one.. another said she had fantasies about her boss - not going to go into specifics - but 2 of us thought that was cheating and 2 of us did not.. it was a really good talk - not going to disclose too much because it did get personal..

Thank you ladies for visiting and your comments. God bless you.
Love to you


Related Posts Widget for Blogs by LinkWithin