I Choose To Love My Husband

Tomorrow I will be celebrating 21 years of marriage.... It's hard to believe that I have spent over half of my life with this man.... I met Dusty shortly before my 21st birthday - I cannot say it was love at first sight... But I can say - I fell in love with him because he made me laugh.... He had a kindness and sense of humor that made him hard to resist.... But shortly after the "I do" everything just seemed to fall apart..

If you have read ever read my other blog - I've Become My Mother - you would know that we did not have a happily ever after marriage.. in fact - we hated each other for most of our marriage... I know hate is a very strong word - but I believe it is the word that described us..... I did not know how to love him... and he did not know how to love me either.... We were two people who married too soon and did not know what to do... so we became roommates that were raising two incredible kids together...

A few years ago - I filed for divorce - paid the attorney way too much money- called my pastor - and cried.... I believed this was the right thing to do... I was done... I felt I had wasted my life and it was time to start all over.... This is when Dusty realized that he loved his family... not necessary me - but he did not want to lose the family we had created together.... My pastor helped by telling Dusty this... "I believe in marriage.... no one ever wants a divorce.. no one... Kelly is serious about this and I think it would be a good idea to give her time.... Sometimes - marriage can be like a sprained ankle - in order to have it heal.... you got to take the weight off of it.... " Dusty - moved out and tried to give me the time I needed.... I let him move back the day after Christmas.... Not because I wanted our marriage to work.. but because I felt bad for him... We went back into our destructive circle for another year until.....

I kept hearing about this movie called Fireproof and how it had a book in the movie that helped to save marriages... I was hoping to learn a "fool proof" way to save my marriage... My church decided to have a Fireproof series - not only was the sermon based on marriage... the Sunday school lessons were based on it too.... The first day - we watched the movie together... I don't think a movie has ever hit me so hard... I saw me... I saw Dusty in both of the characters.. The movie opened my eyes - a little... To take it one step further - I was shopping at Sam's Club and there was the book - The Love Dare - the book from movie.....

I bought The Dare - and it took me on journey that I cannot describe... I learned how to love Dusty - for the first time, really.... It came down to choices... How God wanted me to love.... Once I was able to grasp the concept - the emotions and the feelings followed suit.... The amazing thing is that - after a while Dusty saw a difference in me.. and wanted more.... He learned how to love through my actions... You can follow my journey in I've Become my Mother - Day One. I have learned that it is easy to fall back on destructive behavior... Dusty and I are not in the best place today.... Not because I don't love him... I do... We... no I have gotten too busy... too lazy to work on Love...

So today - I am going to do The Love Dare again... Today - I choose to love my husband.... I love you, Honey... and I choose you...

Love Dare Day 22 - "Love is a choice, not a feeling.. It is an initiated action, not a knee-jerk reaction. Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it. Say to them today in words similar to these. "I love you. Period... I choose to love you even if you don't love me in return" I truly believe - at least I believe now in this season in my life - it's never too late to love..

I Have A Question...

First off - I have to say I believe in God - I know that one day I will be with Him.... By His blood I have been forgiven... I have been saved.... I am in no way doubting this to be true.... I love my Lord and Savior with all my Heart, with all my mind, and with all my soul...

But I have a Question - maybe it's just me.... or maybe you've seen it too....

Why are the saddest people I know the most devote believers I know? I find myself at times sad but that sadness does not define my life... I try to seek happiness.... I believe through Him - I will... I do....

Are they sad because they are not with Him now?
Are they sad because they have not given their sadness to Him?
Are they sad because they just are?

I try to understand... I try to empathize - I try to reach out to them... I really do... But I find myself backing away from people who are constantly full of sorrow.... I am in no way judging them - at least I try not too.... But I have to admit this constant sadness gets so very annoying... I just want to say, "Snap out of it!!!!"

There are days that we are just weepy... I know I have many times found myself tearing up in church or when I think about His love for me... I can tear up at a commercial... at a thought... a memory... but that moment passes and I am me again... a person who tries to let God's love shine through me... and in that shine - I hope... I pray that when others see me.. They see joy and not sorrow...

What do you think believers can be so sad?

These Boot Were Made For Walking.....

Last year in our women ministry we talked about and studied Kay Warren's book Dangerous Surrender - the premise of the book was to step out of your comfort zone and spread God's glory... His love... To reach the unreached... To spread His gospel... One of Kay's ministries is helping children in Africa who are suffering from AIDS.... This book will make you sit up and take notice... It will help put a fire in you that may have not been there.... I know my embers were not burning until I got a glimpse of what I believe God wants from me....

I am NOT an outgoing person... I am a homebody that prefers staying home curled up with a good book, a hot cup of tea, and my dog snoring on the ground next to me..... I DO NOT like talking in public.... I DO NOT like being noticed.... I am by nature a very lazy.... a very quiet person.... my close friends and family don't see that side of me - but it's there.... I have to really know someone before I expose myself.... before I let someone in..... I am very guarded....

So I am wondering why am I getting up in front of a bunch of women and talking... praying..... singing"these boots were made for walking" okay that's an another story.... But you see what I am saying.... this behavior is soooooo out of my comfort zone... I am a behind the scenes kind of gal... not the up close and personal kind...

A couple of weeks ago I hosted a ladies' bunco at my home.... We had 16 women laughing out loud.... sharing His love..... and of course we all enjoyed the Red Velvet Cake... yummm The theme of this bunco party was FEET.... Everyone bought a gift that had something to do with FEET.... Why? You may ask... Because it's our FEET that bring us to others... We are done just talking about serving Him.... We are walking.. running....to serve Him.... This Bunco theme was the kick off to our new Spring study... Crazy Love - We do Feet...

Check out these two books - I hope you are blessed as I was..... am...

Susan G. Komen 3 Days for a Cure Walk - Go Becky

One of the scary things that I live with everyday is the high probability of me someday getting cancer.... Everyone who has died in my family has died from cancer or the complications of cancer... Breast cancer is a biggy - both my paternal and maternal grandmothers had it.... I have several aunts and cousins that have also contracted this horrible disease.....

I am thankful that I can go down to get my boobs flattened every year - I am thankful that I have excellent insurance and I can do this.... I am one of the lucky ones.... Because I know when and if I do discover I have breast cancer - I believe I will be able to fight this terrible disease and win!

My friend Becky - will be walking in he Susan G Komen - 3 days for a Cure Walk - 60 miles in 3 days.... Here is the note Becky sent me.....

Hello
A dear friend of mine, spent all of 2009 battling breast cancer. She is a Mom of three kids, ages 12, 10, and 8. A clinic by her home was offering free mammograms, so her and her friend decided on a whim to go to the clinic and have a mammogram done. Because of that "whim," she found out that she had breast cancer. In 2009, she had to have a double mastectomy along with a hysterectomy. Today she is cancer free. Imagine if she would have never had to fight that fight. If she would not have had to spend all of 2009 battling a disease that could have very well been the end of her life.

That imagination can be a reality. The Susan G. Komen Foundation raises money to fund research to find a cure for breast cancer. Not only do they raise money for research, a portion of the monies raised also goes back into local community programs to benefit women who are dealing with this disease.

My dream is that my daughter will grow up in a world where nobody worries about breast cancer. A world where she won't have to take a year out of her life going in and out of hospitals and fighting each day to stay alive. I have decided to do something to make that dream a reality. In 2010, I will be walking 60 miles over 3 days during the Susan G. Komen 3 Days for a Cure Walk. In order to walk in this incredible event, I will need to do some incredible hard work and training. 20 miles a day, for 3 days in a row is a LOT of miles. Even more importantly, I want to raise at least $3,000 to support breast cancer research. In order to do that, I need you to partner with me. Follow the link at the end of this e-mail and donate today. Donate in honor of somebody you know who has fought the breast cancer fight.

Make my dream of a breast cancer free world a reality. It will be a better world for us all!

Thank you for your support!
Becky

I have donated - Can you? Let's beat this terrible disease for ourselves and for our future generations. Love to you. Kelly