Struggling With Work.. Family.. Time...

Hard to believe a year ago this month - my husband was laid off... He was home for six months.... During that six month time - I worked more than I had ever worked... By the grace of God - I was able to support our family during this time. My small business took flight and I had more clients than I could handle...... It was a difficult time for me mentally... physically... I was working 7 days a week.. Over 12 hours a day... I refused to turn down business - I was on over-drive... I was too busy thinking about me... poor me... No time for me... I was too selfish to see God in the middle of this... I was too blind to see that my husband was struggling... I was too stressed to see my kids suffering from lack of attention from me and from my husband... All I saw was I was making money and we needed money and that was that.... And today - thinking about that time... I am ashamed..... God provided for our needs... He was there.... I tried to take control away from Him.. and in that power struggle - I missed out on a summer with my kids... I missed out on spending some good one on one time with my husband.. He was home... He had time for me... And I blew it!

Today - I tried to talk to the husband. It's tough at times... His main focus now is work.. He loves his job - but it's a really busy job... Taking him away from home every week... And when he is home - he is still working..... And when he isn't working -he wants to relax.. His relaxation is golf... watching sports... browsing Ebay... He does not want to get into conversations about the day to day trials of raising strong minded teenagers.. He does not want to hear his wife nag.. He wants his family "happy" - He wants everything in its place... And to tell you the truth - it pisses me off! I want my husband's attention.. I want him to be a part of our family.... I miss my husband.. and my kids miss their dad....

My point is not to throw my husband under the bus.. He is a good man.. He is a good father.. He is a good provider... My point is that like me -He has become blind to what's around him... He is self focused... and I am not doing a good job of turning his focus towards me.. towards us.... Getting in his face about his lack of attention and time does will not work.. I need to turn to God... I need to give Him control... I need to allow God to turn this around...

God's original design for the family will not be destroyed. Right now we may be struggling with our relationships - We live in a sinful world.. But God does promise us that He will wipe away every tear... All through the Bible there is so much encouragement... Reading Ephesians is a good thing for me to read today....

I have no doubt that all will turn around.. I believe in my man... and I know without a doubt that God is in Control and is on our side.....

Crazy Crazy Stressful Day

Do you ever have those days where - the day starts off slow.... and all of a sudden BAM - everyone needs you at the same time and everything is an emergency at the same time - you wish you had 20 clones who could help you out - knowing what you know.... The term "Running around like a chicken with my head cut off" comes to mind... crazy crazy stressful day.... and with that stress - comes the screechy voice - short temper - of the she devil of me.. Is that screeching I hear - really me???? scary stuff... and yes it was me.....

Now looking back on my day - it wasn't so bad..... I have my health.. my kids are doing great... my husband is super duper.... I have a home - plenty of food - friends... and the cause of my stress today - was three (3) new clients and six (6) new contracts - I should be jumping up and down at my added success but because I tend to be a perfectionist - I was stressed out trying to accomplish too many tasks and not delegating like I should.... that 's my control freak coming out.... I feel the need to do everything myself..... so today turned out not to be as good as it could have been...

Thankfully, I was able to meet with several of my friends tonight for dinner and conversation - we are planning different events for our women ministry - working tonight - gave me peace... Sharing my day.. my stress... their day.. their stress - takes the burden away.. There's something about women getting together that just helps to put things into perspective...

Jesus said, "Where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them. Matthew 18:20

Stress Filled Work Day - Not Fun

Today work was just plan awful.... Stressful environments bring out the worst in people... As many of you know, I own a contract mortgage loan processing business. Over the last few months, rates have dropped and a huge wave of refinancing has come in.. There is too much business for many companies to handle right now. Because of the fluctuating mortgage industry, brokers are a little shy to hire processors full time (costs way too much money) they hire people like me - who only get paid if their loan closes and everyone makes money. Lenders who have previously laid off their full staff and now have a skeleton crew are not ready for the huge increase in business.... the result is that underwriting times are taking three to four times longer than they should be - a lending staff that is so over worked and under appreciated that they no longer care about offering good service but trying to make it through the day without losing control. Good customer service is a thing of the past... The new game is passing the buck - No one taking responsibility for their lack of knowledge, their lack of customer service, or their lack of doing their job....
I believe because of the housing market and FNMA and FHLMC major messes - lenders are adding more conditions than are needed - critiquing appraisal much more harshly.... adding more forms.. adding more everything... I think because of the lack of workers - the lending staff is tired of being yelled at and pushed by brokers and processors.. so they have tuned themselves out... not really caring if a loan closes or not as long as they can bring home their pay check..
Today I had two beautiful and perfect loans that were suppose to fund - due to the high volume of loans the lender was not able to look at the file for funding until Sunday. (yes, we are all working weekends, holidays, evenings, and always) The escrow officer and I were able to handle every little thing the lender wanted... way before the deadline... and you know what happened? The person who was suppose to fund these two loans.... went to lunch and left every single broker and processor needing to fund their loan today in a major bind...the interest rate expired today and the rate we have - does not exist.... but if the broker has the borrowers pay $1870 then they can have the same rate that was free when we locked the loan in - if the lender did not go to lunch then everyone would have been stressed but happy - ie: making quotas and money....
Unfortunately, the lender refuses to acknowledge the numerous mistakes they have made... they refuse to make exceptions on two loans that have been mishandled from the first day in underwriting. I have documentation to support every allegation in my possession - unfortunately it does not matter - you cannot squeeze juice out of a rock (known as the lender)...
So today, while my mind was thinking up various ways to torture said hungry funder - I realized that though I feel my client is the victim - my heart and mind was in no way glorifying God.. I was filled with anger, hate, and no forgiveness..... I was paying attention to how this situation affected me.. I was only focused on me... and that is not where my heart should be..
Of course, it is my responsibility to do the best possible job for my clients... and of course - I must be diligent... But I must NOT lose focus what is right... not lose focus on how God wants me to handle things... with love and understanding.. He does not want me hateful.... He does not want me to be vengeful.....
Stressful environments can bring out the worst in people..... as a follower of Christ - I must continually fight against falling into that trap......